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The Antithesis
Category: Illustration
Dissemination: Creative Pulse Group Show, 2018
Artist Statement
I began drawing Love Letters after the dissolution of the first significant relationship I had after my reality broke. During that time, I wasn’t able to discern what was actually happening after The Rupture. Life felt like a fog for a very long time, and the only thing that felt familiar to me was the darkness. Once, an enveloping, suffocating entity that I used to run from. Now, I understand that it lives inside me and I’ve learned how to not only tame it, but to respect it for the lessons that it taught me.
The thing with living with complex trauma is that everything starts to blend into itself. I used to think of the rupture and him afterwards as distinct, but related experiences in my life. Now, with clarity and still doing the work to heal, I understand that it was all 1 era afterall. After The Rupture, there was never a way for the immediate life after to be truly distinct.
Love Letters I “wrote” to you
An unsent letter written in 2018 and edited in 2025 to reflect the healing journey
Dear Marcus,
You are the one who stands polar to everything that I promised myself I would never allow again. You are the one that blindsided me because I didn't know I had this capacity to feel. You are the one who I loved but you couldn't love me back. You are one who I don't really understand if it was the man, or just the idea.
Sometimes I wonder if I ever cross your mind the way you still criss cross in mine. Most times I wonder if I'll ever truly get over you. (I did, though it’s rather complex).
But in the end, I think, no matter who it was after The Ex. It was probably never going to be easy. At least I tell myself this. I understand now that’s how trauma works, until we begin to heal. We will find those who are the worst for us, as we attempt to recreate histories that hurt us and do whatever we can to avoid doing the real work, because it’s so fucking hard.
Maybe one day, I won't don’t love you anymore, but it's okay if I do as well. At least we I’m glad we both got to experience that wild choking passion at least once in our lives.
I am happy with where your journey took you, and mine too. I’ll love you, kinda, in some way forever, but not the way I used to. It’s more a love for the experience and the lessons learned. And a bit of bittersweet grief of what we could have shared, had we met when we were better versions of ourselves. But then, we wouldn’t be who we are today, if it weren’t for who we were to one another, then.
This project is related to Typical Love Story